As a long time resident of Florida, I'm ofter filled with a sense of wonder at the highs, and lows, that my neighbors can achieve. When I first heard of the attack on the homeless man by the young man who's been labeled 'The Causeway Killer', I was sure it was some sick joke or a hokey attempt at publicity for an upcoming book or movie. When the horrible truth became became known I was apalled but, somehow, not to surprised to find that a fellow human being could have been responsible for the crime.
As the story and it's horrible and, sometimes confusing details unfolded, I heard the jokes on talk radio and, I even giggled once or twice...so I'm not a pillar of fine human virtue but that isn't really a surprise to me...or anyone who gets to know me. I have a dark and sometimes twisted sense of humor and I'll make no apologies for it. A customer Tuesday morning had a 'ZOMBIE ATTACK RESPONSE VEHICLE' sticker on it's rear window and I pointed out to the customer that the sticker was amusing until someone got their face eaten off...the customer smiled and I knew I wasn't the only human with a dark side. I later metioned the sticker to someone else, pointing out that it would have been a blast of giggle worthy irony if the woman who owned the car had also happened to be a bath salt salesperson but, alas, the gods of twisted humor weren't smiling.
Over the next few days I heard lots of 'em, jokes that would often elicit a smile despite their age...really, do cannibal clowns taste funny?...it's a classic for a reason and if you don't think so, we may never connect...at least not as far as our sense of humor may go.
Then today, I heard an actual news story that had me rolling...at least mentally...me actually rolling around on the ground would not be a pretty sight and, despite not loving them, I wouldn't want to emotionally scar my customers. The internal giggling was some washed away as I realized that cannibals aren't the only humans who I'm glad to not be able to count among my adoring fans, nope, now I can add Gloria Allred to that list. I'll sleep ok tonight, knowing that there are lawyers like Ms. Allred out there.
If you haven't heard, this stunningly brave woman has thrown herself into the spotlight by taking the staggeringly bold stance that 'Cannabilism is bad!'.
Praise the lord!!
Can any of you say that you'd have the courage to take the same stance as this paragon of virtue? No? I'm not surprised! The strength of will and pureness of heart required for such a bold and brave belief is something few of us will ever possess. Gloria Allred had the saint like conviction to tell the whole world that cannibalism is bad...not only for the victim but for the cannibal as well. I will admit right here and now that I'm glad I wasn't standing next to this crusader when the bolt of inspiration struck her because I'm sure I would have been stuck down by it's incandescent brilliance, leaving me blind and unable to fully enjoy the world that is fortunate enough to be called home to Gloria Allred.
Parents, make sure that you hold this pillar of moral sense up for your daughters when they begin looking for a role model. Hell, your sons could learn from her as well...we all could!
I can say with mind numbing clarity that when the day comes for me to shuffle off this mortal coil, I will go a lesser human being because I probably won't have been bathed in the light of Gloria's wisdom. Hell, I may not even sleep well tonight, my whole body thrumming with the knowledge that Ms. Allred is here in Florida and I haven't been blessed enough to walk the same ground she's trod upon.
Cannibalism is bad! Not only for the victim, but for the cannibal as well!
Go back and read that line again and again until you feel the wisdom and truth of it filling you...I'll wait for you...I'm already filled with it...how it is that no one has ever had the courage and conviction to utter such a bold and, for me at least, life changing statement before? It just boggles the mind that thousands and thousands of years of humanity and it's growth was possible without someone telling us truths, like those that Gloria speaks?
Speak again, oh font of wisdom...tell me more Gloria...I await your insight. I can only imagine what awaits me...how about, murder is bad! Both for the victim...and the murderer? Or, Masturbation is bad! Both for the whacker...and the victim?...ok, Gloria would never say that but I felt it needed to be said...some one needs to speak for the agressor and the victim...and in my case, as I'm sure it is in many others...it's one and the same! Ok, I'll do it! I'll speak out! I'll shout it from the hilltops...or from in front of as many cameras as I can find!
Gloria, you're not alone anymore...I'll stand beside you as you whore yourself to any media that will listen...the people need to now...and we can do it...and I know it's not about publicity or making payments on all that shiney stuff because we...you and I...we're going to be doing this for the people...they need to know...they need to be told...we need to preach and I'll be there...and if it calls for a true demonstration of my committment, not just to your beliefs, but to mine as well?...well, then, by god, I do it right beside you...and I'll try and prevent any of my beliefs from splashing on you...but, let's be honest, that might be a real possibilty because...like you, I can feel the need to tell people...boy can I feel it!...and I want to help you.
Let's do it...you, telling everyone that Cannibalism is bad and me, right beside you, preaching...and maybe staining a few dresses! I'll be awaiting your email, just sitting in front of my computer...you know...doing research for my mission...and practicing typing with one hand! JT
