Twinkies leaving? And Justin Beiber single again? What's wrong with this world?

Adios Twinkies...see what I did there? No? that's ok...it's been awhile since I've scribbled here so I'll give you a little while to catch up.......ready now? So, we might be outsourcing one of the many reasons my waist(and many others...if we're honest) isn't anywhere near it should be? Well, of course we will...afterall, the CEO of Hostess needs the huge raise he got and the union bakers need to make more an hour than sweat shop workers make in a year...ok, that was a little harsh and I'll apologize to the people who closed an American institution because it isn't my place to question other people's right to demand fair payment for the work they do. I apologize...there, happy now? Great, get back to work cause there's no Hostess pies at my local seven eleven and I can't imagine myself paying the prices that I found on Ebay...jesus christ, have you seen some of the listings?
 Now, moving from Twinkees to a twink...so, Justin and Selena are splitsville...maybe...sorta...well, as long as kleenex stays in business, I guess we'll all some how make it through. But that poor kid must just be hurting...and I...I...I just don't know what to do to help. Wish I did...maybe if someone can pass him a message for me? Justin...buddy...pal...I know you're probably reeling but I know how you can make yourself feel better...give all of your money and possesions to those less fortunate than yourself...that's right, pick a charity and support it...help those who aren't adored by mindless little twinks who waste their parents money on your 'stuff'... make donations to help those who aren't forced to drive around(and evidently, not that well) in Ferraris.  And once you've given it all away, walk away from the recording industry...that's right, get out now, before your balls drop and your voice changes! Don't give up your artistic tendencies...no...just re-direct them...take up painting...and ignore the sissys...use lead based paint. Take up glass blowing...and don't listen to the so called experts...inhale!
 Selena...you're free...and hopefully disease and spawn free...run...don't look back...ignore the voices calling out 'cliff'...just run.

Hopefully I'll get back to my scribbles soon. Happy Holidays to any who celebrate.      JT

With great power comes great responsibility...unless you're Hollywood...then all bets are off!

The third time was not the charm! Sorry but The Amazing Spiderman...isn't! I rewatched the movie last night and I stick by my original belief...this isn't my Spiderman and the fact that one of the most iconic lines that ever appeared in a comic wasn't used really drove that fact home for me. Uncle Ben should have told Peter that 'with great power comes great responsibility' and the fact that he didn't just re-affirmed that this wasn't my Spiderman...nuf said!

 Thursday morning and here I sit, waiting for the first customer of the day...and post my first ever early day blog...and, drum roll please, the third blog in as many days. Stop, no applause necessary...it's just something that happens. Of course, quantity is not quality but then again, I don't think an over abundance of quality has ever been the problem here.

 Hey, anybody out there want to buy a Corvair? With the old man's passing we're left with his beautiful convertible that has more money dumped into it than we'll ever get back out of it but if we're lucky, we'll find it a new home with someone who'll take good care of it and enjoy it more than my dad ever got to...and we'll be able to make sure that mom never has to leave her new apartment and move in with one of her loving children...which leaves me out...not because I don't love my mom...far from it...I'd just hate to see her end up with an accidental gunshot wound when the bullet passes through my skull and finds it's way into her...what? Yeah, a liuttle dark and not at all possible...she'd never consider living in my hovel...she pronounced it a 'piece of crap trailer' and I'd hate for her to face another disappointment from me...the poor woman has had a lifetime of those already...if only I could get paid for being a disaapointment to my mother...I'd be rich!

 So, back to the Corvair...interested? Email me and I'll happily send you some photos of the jewel.

 Ah, here we go...the first customer and I'm all atwitter with anticipation...hooray for tire sales. Have a great day...or at the very least, have a better day than I will.    JT

Holy shit, Batman...another one? WTF? So soon? What the hell is going on?

Another end to a scorching day...and I felt like writing...something. OM has suggested that I get back to TRFW and, hopefully, I'll have a new chapter very soon...maybe tomorrow...no promises.

 So, how about that anti-semetic politician who found out he's actually Jewish? Don't tell me that the universe doesn't have a sense of humor!! The first thought after the giggles faded was of Dave Chappelle and that great skit he did about the old black man and his 'hatred'...more giggles!

 Watched TDKR last night and was stunned...I think it was that good! Three phenominal Batman movies from Nolan and now we only have to hope that the studio doesn't screw it up when they launch the enevitable reboot!  This has been a wild ride for super hero movies. After the staggering high of the Avengers and the 'swing and a miss' of TAS, I was a little worried that Nolan might not pull it off but he sure did. While I don't think it packed quite the emotional punch that The Dark Knight did, it was still a stunning movie and it must be amazing in IMAX. What's next for us nerds...yeah, I lump myself into the category...as long as crotchety old men can still be nerds...hopefully there isn't an age or weight requirement. I know Kick-Ass II, Ironman III, Thor II, Captain America II and, of course, Avengers II are all coming but it's gonna be a while so what's next on the horizon? Daredevil reboot...not happening...at least not as soon as some had been hoping. Wolverine II?..a little worried about that one. The next in The Xmen:First Class? Looking forward to it but, like everything else, it's a while away. The next Dykan Dogg? Hah, just kidding...unless we give the log the perfect acting counterpart...wait, isn't Misha Barton supposedly doing better...health wise, I mean...there's a team-up we need! Just got around to watching RED...what a fun ride!

 I'm gonna watch The Amazing SApiderman again...this will be the third time but I fear that I'm not gonna find anything that I missed the first two times that will change my opinion of the movie...sorry, it just wasn't 'my Peter Parker'! Sure, the movie is splashy but Peter was never a bully and he never would have given his word and then conciously admitted his plan to break his word. The real Peter might have inadvertantly broken his word or a promise but he'd never have done what the movie peter admitted his plans to do at the end of the film...breaking his word to a dying Captain Stacey...and don't get me started on a dying Captain Stacey because that would only lead to so many other mis-steps that happened during the two hours.

 Ouch, just tweeked my back...time to take my tired old bones home and get off these aching dogs. Ta for now.      JT

Ryan for veep? What about Green Lantern II?

Hey guys and gals...or gals and guys...don't want to be accused of placing more importance on one sex over the other. So, been over four weeks and I'm coming to realize that the sense of loss isn't going to go away...it's always going to be there and each day will simply be how I 'live' with it..so, here's some new scribbles. I was inspired to write something new after reading some new chapters from Oldestman...a new Castle story that has a coll slant and I hope he posts it...just to see how the caskett fans react...should be fun.
 Now, it was shocking news to me that Ryan is gonna be running for veep with Mitt...but I can't help worrying about the future of 'The Proposal II'(Betty White steps outside her comfort zone with full nudity and a Something About Mary hair gel gag) or 'The Green LatrineII'(not a typo, just saying) or even Waiting II'(oh come on, you're not seriously counting that lame piece of shit that currently bears the title). Sure, I can understand Mitt's desperate bid for acceptance with a younger demographic but maybe Pattinson might have been a better choice if he's tryiung to get the youth vote...also, on the plus side, Rob's got more free time on his hands since the 'trampire'(thanks, Will Ferrel) found another source of protein.
 Sorry, I know this wopuld be the perfect place to insert some witty commit and wrap up the whole 'Ryan' bit but I seriously can't think about anything funny about politics...

     It's been a while since I've rambled so hold on...holy crap, I just heard that Chad Ocho Cinco's reality show has been canceled! Dammit, there goes the reason I'd been using to convince myself to get cable again...shit, shit,shit...and his wife's divorcing him? oh, you poor guy...you poor, poor guy...you poor, spoiled,narcissitic idiot...what's next? Gonna write a tell all book and go on the circut? Tell us all how it's not your fault? Tell us about the terrible story of your poor, mispent youth? Tell us how you were abused and as a result you, completely unwillingly, became a massive tool who only appears, at least to us poor mortals, like a giant douche bag who'd stick his dick in a pencil sharpener and sell tickets to people to turn the crank as long as people 'cared' enough to watch! You left a reciept for 'milk flavored' condoms where your 'lactose intolerant' wife could find it! You fucking genius! How about a new reality show, Chad? Here's one for you..."Is Chad Smarter Than The Tube Sock You've Been Depositing Your Rachel Bilson Fantasies Into?"...or, how about "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire Athelete Who's Stupider Than The Tube Sock...caught that one did you? Well, now you can say when asked, 'Yes, I'm Smarted Than Chad Ocho Cinco" but, then again, so can a lot of tube socks...what will seperate you from the tube socks is what you do with the knowledge that you're smarter...and heres the easy part...doing anything besides lying around and slowly stiffening elevates you above 'COC' and the tube socks.
 I've been doing some reading...I know, surprise huh? Quistie? Thanks for the smiles. Frea, welcome back to Chuck and thanks for the smiles...Justmyluckyness, great stuff! To everyone else who's writing helped me make it through the past few weeks...thank you!   I didn't list everyone and for that I'm sorry...and I say again, THANK YOU!

 Dollar store find...Charles DeLint, The Mystery of Grace...I enjoyed the read and the first person to send me their address will recieve my copy, free of charge...really, what's a dollar book and media shipping when I can share something? Don't worry, this isn't some weird come on to find a new place to ship tube socks...I'm only offering the book.

 Cheap movies...Into The Blue 2....and I thought the first one was only bearable because of Jessica...The Time Of Dragons...please, if you're going to fuck Melville, at least have the decency to post a 'may cause drowsiness' warning on the label...Danny Glover, what the fuck, man? I know it's a paycheck but I have to ask...did Chad Ocho Cinco secretly write this screenplay? Holy Fuck!!!! And I thought Ankle Biters and Zombie Bikers From Detroit were stiunkers! I'm guessing that the test audiences who first saw this movie could be labled 'peers', at least intellectually speaking, of Chad Ocho Cinco...that's got to be it! HOLY FUCK!!!! If it's not too late, please, if you're one of the writers of this cinematic turdzilla, have yourself sterilized before you inadvertantly pass on your genes...really! And if sterilizatrion isn't an option...invest in tube socks!!!!And Use Them!!!!!

 I'm tired and it's time to go home...nappy time. Maybe I'll get back to some scribbles soon...I think I'm almost ready.        JT

My forecast: Mostly cloudy with scattered introspection and intermittent depression...

I buried my dad today. Not in the old turn of the century way with me doing the digging and the whole thing...no, no excercise for me today...just friends and neighbors offering their sympathy and best wishes. It was tough maintiaining my stoic facade as I thanked everyone for coming out, agreed that it sure was too bad and even agreed with many who offered the time tested platitude that 'at least he's in a better place now' and all the while hearing the call of a bottle of vodka that has been taunting me for months now. A year ago I would have made it through the day by hitting the Jager and toasting to the old man's health and now, surprise surprise, I'm actually pretty sure I'll make it through without the vodka...but god damn, do I want to pick up that bottle and show it who's boss!
 Most of the family is here but I've been avoiding them, not because I don't want their company and not because I have some deep seeded need to deny them my company...no, I'm avoiding them so I can avoid my mother.
 Yup...I'm avoiding my mother! I could ramble on about the reasons for that but the simple truth is that I don't like her. I'm not one to claim that I'm a shining example of humanity...but that woman may very well have been one of Genghis Khan's hand maidens in a previous life...and that's the reason he committed suicide(the Khan, that is)...or at least that's my belief.
 I was in the hospital when the old man finally let go and my first thought was how would I be able to handle the crushing blow that my mother's need for attention would rain down on us...and that hurt. I loved my old man. He was a differant sort and we didn't have much in common but I like to believe that he accepted me for what and who I am. I kept hoping we'd have one of those great sit down conversations and come to realize that we weren't so terribly differant but that will just be another of those things that I never got around to doing. something I'll regret and hope it doesn't haunt me too much.
 Dad never knew about this writing stuff that I've come to lately and maybe that isn't too bad. He was a fan of westerns and I write stuff that isn't westerns...nuf said. I like to think he appreciated and sometimes got my sense of humor. I know he wasn't a fan of how I've lived my life, 'not living up to my potential' and all that but I hope he understood that I've come to terms with my life  and I don't hate it. Yeah, some of it isn't great but parts are fantastic and I have to belive that everyone's life is like that...some good and some bad...and I like to believe that the old man knew that.
 I'm gonna miss him! He was a tough old bird and I respected him for that. For being able to take what was on his plate and make the best of it. There are questions I would ask but will never have the chance and now, I'll just have to imagine the answers.
 I hope to get back to writing soon...I really do enjoy it. Maybe I'll try and use this as I'd wanted from the start...a place to write a little every day. Maybe I won't...and that'll be ok to.
 I miss you dad.

Kim Jong Un's Mystery Woman Revealed...(drum roll please)...It's

ME...Thats right, it's me...I know that some of you believe me to be an older(ish), slightly out of shape(ish), carrier of the Y chromosome...and that may be true...but mentally...I'm his special woman...what, does this sound like another one of my blatant appeals for attention...what? It does?...Am I that transparent?..Maybe that's why Jongie(I bet we'd have pet names for each other) hasn't responded to any of the hundreds of mental emails I've been sending his way...what, you mean to say that you don't have one of those new UBM(utterly brilliant machines) Computers that features the 'mental matrix' computing chip?...man, mine is so sweet!...The company sent it to me almost three days ago in a dream...not only can it do anything that any computer currently on the market can do...it also allows you to see anybody...nekkid...and you can watch episodes of your favorite TV show...even if most of the norms in the world can't...that's right, I'm still watching Chuck...and Life...and Pushing Daisies...and Wonderfalls...and Eli Stone...and, well that's enough for now.
 Anyway, back to Jongster and I...it's wonderful...being heterosexual, I was worried that being the 'Mystery woman' might prove to be problematic but thanks to the computer, I know that my future life partner is hetero as well and we'll simply be 'friends'...and I'm alright with that...or, at least I will be once he gets over that whole 'My dad was a loonie but at least I'm letting my subjects watch Mickey Mouse and Winnie The Pooh" thing...I can't wait...we'll hit all the coolest bars and drink Jager while we watch the world revel in our unbelievably cool, platonic friendship...we'll be an inspiration to the world...they'll write songs about us and maybe we'll even start our own religion...yeah, we will...and everyone can join and be friends and do cool stuff...like be nice to their fellow man(and woman)...wouldn't that be swell?...don't delay...don't miss out...use your UBM Computer and send us a mental email...or, if you haven't gotten your new computer yet, just send me a regular email and I'll forward it to Jong-a-long-a-ding-dong...he'd love to hear from you...and then, afterwards, why not say hello to someone new and tell them the story of KJU's mystery lady and watch as they react with amazement and envy...because they didn't hear about it before you...call your family and tell them as well...I'm sure they'd love t hear from you but make sure that you wait until it's 3Am...where ever they are...that's the best time to call so they'll be fresh and oh so willing to hear the story...I'm gonna do the same...can't wait!


Holy Crap...another overly long ramble that has absolutlely no value!...well, it's what I do...and if you're reading this...well, maybe the world isn't such a bad place afterall...and if you smiled, even once, then I've done my job...well, not my job...because you get paid at your job...and I'm not getting paid for this...although, if someone actually wants to pay me for doing this...well, don't be a stranger...send me an email and lets get this whole 'writer' thing going...and on that note, I finsh anohter installment of JPONALI by saying goodnight...or good day...depending where or when you actually are reading this twaddle.                              JT

P.S. Ted is a blast and Amazing Spiderman is not...and for a nerd like me to bag a superhero movie?   It's slick and all...don't get me wrong, on the 'scale'... it's no Green Latrine or Jonah Hoax...but it's no Mystery Men either. I'm just saying.

P.P.S. You've made it this far...why not leave a note...yeap, another cheap bid for attention...and your thoughts on my thoughts...

Causeway Cannibal...Thank God for Gloria Allred's brave stance against eating people...at least, not in the fun way!

As a long time resident of Florida, I'm ofter filled with a sense of wonder at the highs, and lows, that my neighbors can achieve. When I first heard of the attack on the homeless man by the young man who's been labeled 'The Causeway Killer', I was sure it was some sick joke or a hokey attempt at publicity for an upcoming book or movie. When the horrible truth became became known I was apalled but, somehow, not to surprised to find that a fellow human being could have been responsible for the crime.
 As the story and it's horrible and, sometimes confusing details unfolded, I heard the jokes on talk radio and, I even giggled once or twice...so I'm not a pillar of fine human virtue but that isn't really a surprise to me...or anyone who gets to know me. I have a dark and sometimes twisted sense of humor and I'll make no apologies for it. A customer Tuesday morning had a 'ZOMBIE ATTACK RESPONSE VEHICLE'  sticker on it's rear window and I pointed out to the customer that the sticker was amusing until someone got their face eaten off...the customer smiled and I knew I wasn't the only human with a dark side. I later metioned the sticker to someone else, pointing out that it would have been a blast of giggle worthy irony if the woman who owned the car had also happened to be a bath salt salesperson but, alas, the gods of twisted humor weren't smiling.
 Over the next few days I heard lots of 'em, jokes that would often elicit a smile despite their age...really, do cannibal clowns taste funny?...it's a classic for a reason and if you don't think so, we may never connect...at least not as far as our sense of humor may go.
 Then today, I heard an actual news story that had me rolling...at least mentally...me actually rolling around on the ground would not be a pretty sight and, despite not loving them, I wouldn't want to emotionally scar my customers. The internal giggling was some washed away as  I realized that cannibals aren't the only humans who I'm glad to not be able to count among my adoring fans, nope, now I can add Gloria Allred to that list. I'll sleep ok tonight, knowing that there are lawyers like Ms. Allred out there.
 If you haven't heard, this stunningly brave woman has thrown herself into the spotlight by taking the staggeringly bold stance that 'Cannabilism is bad!'.


 Praise the lord!!


 Can any of you say that you'd have the courage to take the same stance as this paragon of virtue? No? I'm not surprised! The strength of will and pureness of heart required for such a bold and brave belief is something few of us will ever possess. Gloria Allred had the saint like conviction to tell the whole world that cannibalism is bad...not only for the victim but for the cannibal as well. I will admit right here and now that I'm glad I wasn't standing next to this crusader when the bolt of inspiration struck her because I'm sure I would have been stuck down by it's incandescent brilliance, leaving me blind and unable to fully enjoy the world that is fortunate enough to be called home to Gloria Allred.
 Parents, make sure that you hold this pillar of moral sense up for your daughters when they begin looking for a role model. Hell, your sons could learn from her as well...we all could!
 I can say with mind numbing clarity that when the day comes for me to shuffle off this mortal coil, I will go a lesser human being because I probably won't have been bathed in the light of Gloria's wisdom. Hell, I may not even sleep well tonight, my whole body thrumming with the knowledge that Ms. Allred is here in Florida and I haven't been blessed enough to walk the same ground she's trod upon.

 Cannibalism is bad! Not only for the victim, but for the cannibal as well!

 Go back and read that line again and again until you feel the wisdom and truth of it filling you...I'll wait for you...I'm already filled with it...how it is that no one has ever had the courage and conviction to utter such a bold and, for me at least, life changing statement before? It just boggles the mind that thousands and thousands of years of humanity and it's growth was possible without someone telling us truths, like those that Gloria speaks?
 Speak again, oh font of wisdom...tell me more Gloria...I await your insight. I can only imagine what awaits me...how about, murder is bad! Both for the victim...and the murderer? Or, Masturbation is bad! Both for the whacker...and the victim?...ok, Gloria would never say that but I felt it needed to be said...some one needs to speak for the agressor and the victim...and in my case, as I'm sure it is in many others...it's one and the same! Ok, I'll do it! I'll speak out! I'll shout it from the hilltops...or from in front of as many cameras as I can find!
 Gloria, you're not alone anymore...I'll stand beside you as you whore yourself to any media that will listen...the people need to now...and we can do it...and I know it's not about publicity or making payments on all that shiney stuff because we...you and I...we're going to be doing this for the people...they need to know...they need to be told...we need to preach and I'll be there...and if it calls for a true demonstration of my committment, not just to your beliefs, but to mine as well?...well, then, by god, I do it right beside you...and I'll try and prevent any of my beliefs from splashing on you...but, let's be honest, that might be a real possibilty because...like you, I can feel the need to tell people...boy can I feel it!...and I want to help you.
 Let's do it...you, telling everyone that Cannibalism is bad and me, right beside you, preaching...and maybe staining a few dresses! I'll be awaiting your email, just sitting in front of my computer...you know...doing research for my mission...and practicing typing with one hand!      JT